Management

Management manages to be a slightly enjoyable, sweet and quirky romantic comedy.

Just barely.

The problem certainly isn't in the cast. Steve Zahn serves up his usual lovable goof. He's a loopy Lloyd Dobler--from his "Feel Like Makin' Love" serenade outside love interest Sue's house to his awkward admission that what he really wants is just to be with her. Now, a seventeen year-old Lloyd Dobler is adorable. But thirty-seven year old Lloyd Dobler, stalking his love across country, is just a wee bit creepy.

Jennifer Aniston does much better with these wry indie roles than the big budget vehicles. Her uptight, control-freak Sue is brittle yet fragile. And then there was Woody Harrelson as Sue's ex-punk yogurt-mogul boyfriend Jango. Harrelson nails the role, but the problem was not in his performance but in the fact that the character existed at all.

There's no way that the uptight Sue--with rigidly set guidelines that prevent her from accepting Mike's affection--would ever be with Jango. This is one of the issues I had with the script. The others were that the story meandered over the course of several months, as aimless as the arrested development of lead character Mike. You could also "see" the writing. Set-ups and pay-offs were clunky and obvious. Expositiory deathbed speeches. Deadend scenes. Quirk for the sake of quirk.

Where writer/director Stephen Belber really missed the boat was in not really developing the true through-line: these two extremely lonely people desperate for human contact meeting and sparking by chance.

The best part of the film was James Liao as Al, Mike's partner in crime in stealing Sue's heart. Liao almost steals the entire movie--and would have had he been given any more screen time.

1000

This is my one thousandth post.

Whew!

Come to Denis!

"For all your bliggety-blogs and facey-spaces and tweety pages..."

Playing for Change

Playing for Change describes themselves as "a multimedia movement created to inspire, connect, and bring peace to the world through music."

Starting in 2005 in my hometown of Santa Monica, CA, Playing for Change has traveled to Barcelona, Johnannesburg, Cape Town, New Orleans, Tel Aviv, Nazareth, Bethlehem, Ghana and Dublin bringing musicians from all over the world together to perform benefit concerts that build music and art schools in communities that are in need of inspiration and hope.

Those performances have been recorded and are available on a 2-disc CD/DVD. The ten song audio CD features classics written by Bob Marley, Peter Gabriel, Tracy Chapman, U2/Bob Dylan and Sam Cooke and featuring performances by Keb Mo', Bob Marley and Bono.

Disc One - CD

1. Stand By Me 5:13
2. One Love 5:01
3. War/No More Trouble 4:34
4. Biko 4:48
5. Let's Don't Worry 3:24
6. Talkin' 'Bout a Revolution 3:52
7. Better Man 5:23
8. Chanda Mama 3:30
9. Love Rescue Me 2:50
10. A Change Is Gonna Come 6:03

Disc Two - DVD

1. Stand By Me 5:28
2. One Love 5:01
3. War/No More Trouble 4:34
4. Let's Don't Worry 3:22
5. Chanda Mama 3:30
6. The Playing for Change Foundation 3:00
7. The Playing for Change: Peace Through Music Trailer 1:24

No Sense Reinventing the Wheel...

I've got two DVDs to watch and review, the rest of The Closer to watch and a bunch of stuff on DVR. Which leaves me no time to blog...

Fortunately, I did a great post earlier at Savings.com about Ten Blue-Collar Classics.

Check it out, add your two cents in the comments, maybe give it a Digg or Stumble.

The Closer - Season Four on DVD

On Tuesday, May 26th, Warner Home Video released the complete fourth season of The Closer on DVD.

Now, I've never seen seasons one, two or three of the series that airs on TNT. Mostly because until recently I didn't have cable. And quite frankly when I saw the promos when the show initially premiered in 2005, it seemed to me to be "The Closer--starring Kyra Sedgwick's hair!"

In reality, The Closer is quite a taut and engrossing crime procedural. It's part Law & Order but amped up with more insight into the recurring characters' lives--especially Brenda Johnson (Sedgwick), the seemingly addled but in actuality adroit title character. The title of the series refers to Brenda's almost pathological need and ability to close cases--usually through a combination of skilled and dogged detective work culminating in an intense interrogation in which the suspect ends up confessing.

The series also raises the bar with its talented cast. In addition to the Emmy-nominated Sedgwick, the reliable J. K. Simmons who plays Brenda's boss and hottie Jon Tenney who plays her fiancé. The episodes feature many ripped from the headlines type stories ala Law & Order--for example episode two of season four, "Speed Bump," which centered around the scheme of two women who took insurance policies out on halfway house residents (in reality it was homeless men) and then killed them off when the policies vested.

Sedgwick is thoroughly engaging as the transplanted Steel Magnolia. She's an iron fist in a velvet glove right down to the ultra-feminine wardrobe and accent like melted butter. She can be fussy and downright annoying, but ultimately you have the utmost admiration and respect for her pragmatic savviness.

The 4 DVD set includes all fifteen episodes plus two featurettes: "A Day in the Life of a Detective," featuring actor Corey Reynolds (Det. Sgt. David Gabriel) as he rides along with an LAPD Detective and "Catching a Lie," a compelling look at how interrogators know a suspect is telling a lie. The collection also includes a gag reel and unaired scenes.

I'm not quite halfway through season four, but as soon as I finish I'll be hunting down episodes on the internet so I can get caught up with seasons one, two and three. Season five of The Closer premieres on TNT on June 8th.

Spaghetti Fetish

It's been rather slow at "Best of Craigslist" lately. I guess they've been busy dealing with fallout from the so-called "Craigslist Killer" and the attempted lawsuit by the South Carolina Attorney General.

But lo and behold in the last couple of days a veritable deluge of "Best of" posts have shown up on the site. Including one that sound like it could be from the Cereal Fetishist's soulmate:

Sit in a hot tub full of marinara sauce with me - m4w

I have a huge hot tub, i'm going to fill it with homemade marinara sauce. Let's get naked and sit in it. I'll be wearing a Rolex and Ray-Bans. I'll put some Barbara Streisand or some Wu-Tang Clan on the stereo. Nothing too sexual, just nudity and marinara sauce.

I don't know what's stranger: someone who likes sitting in marinara or someone who likes both Barbara Streisand AND Wu-Tang Clan.

That's just weird.

Go Mental

My friend Ari was in Colombia for six months working as the script supervisor for Mental. The show is set in Los Angeles, but was filmed in South America.

Go figure.

It premieres on Fox's summer schedule tomorrow night. Support Ari and tune in Tuesday at 9 pm and watch.

Long, Lush, neulash

My co-worker Sara is guest-blogging for me today. She recently tested out a new lash conditioner from neulash. Here's what she had to say:

"When asked which makeup product they wouldn't leave the house without applying, I'm certain that a large number, if not the majority, of women would answer mascara. A little definition around the eyes can do wonders, so it's no wonder that women go to great lengths for luscious lashes. Did you know, though, that the typical lifespan of an eye lash is just 150-200 days? With all the eye lash curling, mascara, eye liner, and make up remover we use, it's really a wonder that they even last that long.

I recently learned about and tried out a new product called neuLash. NeuLash is like a conditioner made specifically for your eyelashes. It helps strengthen and moisturize your lashes, thereby extending their lifespan. Made with some natural extracts (pumpkin seed and licorice) and some not-so-natural ingredients, neuLash has been shown to increase the fullness, the width, and the dark color of lashes. After just four weeks, people (both men and women) started seeing improvements in the look and feel of their eyelashes.

The process is super simple. Right before you go to bed, apply a thin layer of neuLash just like you're applying liquid eyeliner. You can use it on your top and bottom lashes, and you can even use it to help thicken your brows. Once you start to see results, you can start using it every couple of days instead of every day. NeuLash isn't meant to be a replacement for mascara; it's more of a supplement to help strengthen your existing lashes. One tube of neuLash goes for $150, and it lasts for about three months.

If your eyes are the windows to your soul, it makes sense to put some effort into the upkeep of the curtains, right?"

Cutting throught the Keywords

It's been a while. From February through April the top ten searches landing on my blog were:

1. heroes exposed
2. gap rewards
3. trail of the screaming forehead dvd
4. hollie nell blog
5. nude dudes cleaning
6. biotherm celluli laser
7. stella louise los angeles, ca
8. who is lafleur
9. most annoying tv characters
10. gap rewards points

Wow. Nice to know I'm in the top ten although Hollie beats me out. Oh well--can't compete with a gorgeous redhead! To be fair, there were seven other keywords that were variations apparently searching for me. At least I think "blog of louise screenwriters in hollywood from pittsburgh" was searching for me...

Obviously whoever typed the above had better luck than the person searching for "carlton cuse damon lindelof cell phone number email extension." Yeah, the LOST show runners have their personal contact info posted on the internet.

Eddie Steeples beat out Tom Bergeron for "shirtless" searches. More people wanted to see nude or naked pics of Eddie over Tom as well. Personally I think y'all need help...The people searching for "garret dillahunt shirtless" or "haaz sleiman shirtless" don't have the same issues.

Poor Mark Cuban really slipped with only three shirtless searches.

Odd searches:

vintage carnival birthday party
very attractive and sexy administrative assistants in dallas
shackled in a jumpsuit
walt garp eyelashes
puppet comedy funny song lyrics first person uranus video
do indie people have schizophrenia
libra fleur tampon dog
nun and priest porno
pantyless + amusement park
puppet comedy funny song lyrics first person uranus video
wasp waisted goth girl
where are you matt huffman? does anyone know where this amazing guy in his twenties is now?

Searches that will become future posts:

90s heartthrobs
top ten trigger happy movies
my top 10 favorite movies of 2009 (in 2010)

"Average" searches:

average 1 number to another
average adding
average age of death for the tudors
average annie
average computer crashes
average facebook posts on birthday
average films of 2008
average heroes
average hotties
average housewives nude
average jane
average keywords
average mens+nude blog
average money spent on a tv
average movies
average nude
average pay of pro dancers on dwts
average people nude
average price for a screenplay 2008
average price for eco shoes
average price on beauty products
average runner
average screenplay salary
average size of a spongebob
average social network
average stone throw
average tattoo time
average time needed to read 100 pages
average time taken to read 100 pages
average time to read 100 pages
average vert
fashion tips for average men
is slumdog millionaire average
nude average
pc computers crash on average how often?
slumdog millionnaire , average

the answer above average boutique
what is the average amount of views for shades of gray
what's the average time to read 100 pages

"Above average" searches:

above average
above average 2 years old
above average animals
above average boutique
above average facially
above average footwear
above average looking
above average nike
above average quotes
above average shoes
above-average
average, above avarage , etc
beauty above average com
aboveaverageconnection
aka above average wrestler
stalker ""above-average""
another word for above average
above average stella

Oh look--another search for me! They would have found me a whole lot faster if instead of looking for just "above average," they set their sights on "Well Above Average."

The Brothers Bloom

I went to a geezer-free showing of this movie this morning. I've been hearing about it for a while--which is never a good sign. Usually when a studio drags its feet distributing a movie, it's an indication that something is wrong.

Still, it has a great cast and when I found out it was Rian Johnson's follow-up to Brick, I had to see it.

Unfortunately while Johnson nailed his update of the noir genre with Brick, the con man caper of The Brothers Bloom fell flat. It was flaccid and amorphous where it should have been sharp and taut.

Johnson appears to have watched every Wes Anderson movie ever made--twice. He should have spent the time watching and re-watching Newman and Redford in The Sting.

If you like quirk, The Brother Bloom has plenty of it. Mostly in the characters of Rachel Weisz's madcap heiress and Rinko Kikichu's explosives expert. Adrian Brody does his usual soulful shtick and Mark Ruffalo is more than capable as his older brother and puppetmaster. The film is filled with beautifully composed shots and character vignettes, but plot and character arcs pretty much fall by the wayside.

Johnson tries to communicate thematically the idea of an "unwritten life," but it never quite coalesces. The film is crammed with whimsical touches from a rhyming expository voiceover, neoclassical settings, random cameos, exotic locations but in flitting from one offbeat touch to the next, the movie becomes less than the sum of its parts.

My advice: for a far better Rian Johnson production, rent Brick. And if you're really hankering for a fun con man caper, check out The Sting.

50 Things

Sara tagged me on Facebook to answer 50 questions I've never been asked (and it's true: no-one has ever asked me what color my toothbrush is before this...), and then I'm supposed to tag 15 people after I'm finished.

So if you're reading this, consider yourself "tagged" and feel free to post your answers in the comments or link back to your blog.

And now on with the "Stella Trivia":

1. What color is your toothbrush?

I had to get up and look. It's blue and white with blue and white bristles. My bathroom is decorated in an orange rust and sage green color scheme. Should I buy a new toothbrush so it matches my decor?

2. Name one person who made you smile today:

No-one's made me smile yet today. Dammit people--you're shirking!

3. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning?

Dragging my body out of bed. Yay, Saturday!

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Sorting laundry. I lead a very exciting life!

5. What is your favorite candy bar?

Anything chocolate and peanut butter.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?

No way! But I used to have to walk past one almost daily on the way to and back from the gym.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?

"Yes." I handed a cashier at BB&B a 20% off coupon with my purchase and he asked if I wanted to use it today. My actual response in my head was "Duh!" but I settled for "Yes."

8. What is your favorite ice cream?

Pistachio.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water.

10. Do you like your wallet?

Eh, it's functional.

11. What was the last thing you ate?

Peanut butter on bananas and milkless Shredded Oats cereal.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

Sigh. Yes...

13. The last sporting event you watched?

Does watching the Dancing with the Stars finale results show qualify as a sporting event? There was a trophy involved...

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Buttery and salty. (This was Sara's answer as well.)

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

I do not text. Ever.

16. Ever go camping?

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

17. Do you take vitamins daily?

Yup.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope.

19. Do you have a tan?

More than I should but much less than I could.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?

I think I'm more drawn to pizza.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?

On the rare occasion I have soda, I drink it straight from the can.

22. What did your last text message say?

Are you not paying attention? I do not TEXT!

23. What are you doing tomorrow?

Grocery shopping, car wash (maybe), movie, yoga

25. Look to your left, what do you see?

What happened to question 24?!!!

26. What color is your watch?

I own half a dozen watches that I no longer wear. Silver, gold, brown leather, black, etc.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?

Steve Irwin saying, "Crikey!"

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

I don't eat fast food. Wait, we're missing question 28, too?!!!

30. What is your favorite number?

9

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?

Some guy from AdFusion.

32. Any plans today?

Laundry.

33. How many states have you lived in?

Ten.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?

Inconsiderate neighbors.

35. Last song listened to?

"Killing the Blues" - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Very slowly perhaps.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?

No--no service cleans better than I do when I'm motivated and have the time to clean.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

Dr. Marten thong sandals.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?

Sometimes.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?

Doubtful.

41. Do you love anyone?

Of course.

42. Do you have children?

Hell no.

43. What do you usually do during the day?

Work, surf the internet, workout, lather, rinse, repeat.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

Hate is a strong word. "Intensely irked by" is more accurate.

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?

Yes.

46. What color is your car?

Underneath the dirt, pollen and bird $@#%, it's a blue-green color.

47. Do you like cats?

When they're not yowling or @#$%ing in my yard. But I'm allergic to them...

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?

No, I'm answering these questions. Multi-tasking isn't my strong suit...

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

I don't think so.

50. How did you get your worst scar?

My belly button exploded. Long story...

So there you have it--50 (I mean 48!) more things that you never knew about me. There will be a test later people!

Ugly Betty - In the Stars and The Fall Issue

Poor Molly. Did y'all see her death coming from a mile away like I did? Ugh. The Sixth Sense touch during Daniel's MAMA acceptance speech was suitably creepy. I thought the moment was undercut a bit starting with Suzuki St. Pierre's snarky dubbing of the couple as "Prince Charming and soon-t0-be Sleeping Beauty." But a devastated Daniel being comforted by Betty was a poignant moment.

Matt was his usual whiny, needy, clingy self during both episodes. There was a moment where he embarrassed Betty by talking to Henry and airhead girlfriend Chloe with his belly button that I found him adorable, but the rest of the time--forget it.

When he confronts Betty about her kiss with Henry, he tells her "I never kissed anyone else!" Yeah, pretty high-handed for a former sex addict...

And it looks like he might have Willie's job after her attempt to blackmail Claire over her secret lovechild with Cal Hartley backfired. Oh great. Even more pouty, whiny Matt next season. I think we need the writers to bring Gio back to kick his @$.

Christopher Gorham's appearance on the show didn't rock my world the way it did Betty's--nor did seeing The View harridans grilling Daniel or even Rachel Dratch playing twins Penny and Mindy. The Billie Jean King cameo was a hoot, however--as was that of Antonio Sabato, Jr. In fact, as Betty was recounting her Antonio dream to Hilda I was thinking, "I've had that very same dream!"

Of course mine doesn't end with whiny Matt accusing me of cheating. That by definition would not be a dream but a nightmare...

And it was genius to find a way to pair up Vanessa Williams and Broadway veteran Christine Baranski up for a brief duet.

Marc's pep talk to Justin who was rejected for a spot at the high school of the performing arts (I can totally see Mark Indelicato as part of the cast of Fame...) was nifty: "Find a niche. And if you can't find one...make one."

Next season: Is Marc really going to Mode? That would be sad. Will Willie track down Connor or was that who startled her at the end of the episode? And do we have a Meade half-brother or sister showing up sometime soon?

ABC Promo Part Deux

This one's even funnier:



Love Rob Lowe smashing Ty Pennington's megaphone and Amanda and Hurley.

Dude!

Talk About Product Placement

The Washington Post talks about the PR boost to the Smithsonian's bottom line due to its inclusion in the upcoming sequel to Night at the Museum.

Unfortunately Post critic Dan Kois wasn't thrilled by the flick according to his review, but it'll still do beaucoup bucks due to being one of the few family friendly films opening for the holiday weekend.

This Cracks Me Up

No episode of LOST tonight (sob!!!), but here's hottie Matthew Fox aka Jack Shepherd cooking with Teri Hatcher (Susan Mayer at her least annoying...):



Pretty clever campaign if you ask me.

Philip B. Changes Hollie's Life

This is how awesome I am: I set the gorgeous and talented Hollie up with some Philip B. hair products to review.

Last week she announced to me, "Philip B has changed my life!"

Wow. Now I'm jealous.

Ah well...at least my blog gets a review out of it!

"My hair loves Stella. Okay, actually my hair loves Philip B but it loves Stella for bringing Philip into my life. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Rewind to about two months ago. The lovely Stella asked if I wanted to receive a complimentary scalp treatment and blow out courtesy of Philip B. Due to some sort of miscommunication with the company, my treatment was canceled. As an apology, they offered to send me some products. I left feeling disappointed but the products they sent me were the best apology ever.

Seriously, ladies, my days of Head and Shoulders and Pantene Pro-V are over. I am a convert. A high end, shampoo loving convert.

My favorite product is the Russian Amber Imperial Shampoo. It’s like washing your hair with magic. It smells like heaven and cotton candy and love, with its mixture of Shea butter, rosemary and other yumminess. It goes on so smoothly and the second you rinse it off, your hair is thanking you by looking effortlessly beautiful. It retails for $140 so I treat myself with it once a week. It’s like my own mini spa vacation for my hair.

The peppermint and avocado volumizing and clarifying shampoo I use almost daily. I have always had a weird sort of build up on my hair and other clarifying shampoos tended to make it really dry or do nothing at all but this completely balances it out and it has a light, sweet scent.

The Lightweight Deep Conditioning Rinse is equally fantastic. I’m a sporadic conditioner but it’s great to use once a week to get my hair really soft and manageable.

The Katira Masque is one of the best treatments I’ve ever used. It’s most effective if you comb it in and either let it dry naturally or blow dry and then rinse clean.

The recommended treatment goes like this:

1. Peppermint and Avocado Shampoo - let set for one to three minutes and rinse
2. The Russian Amber Imperial Shampoo - Same as above
3. Use the Deep conditioner or Katira Masque or both

I’ve tried the treatment and it really does leave your hair looking like you just left a salon. I KNOW it sounds like the Philip B people have brainwashed me but this stuff is just really that good. I’m so impressed with these products; I want to shout it from the rooftops. As I’ve said before on Stella’s blog, I don’t usually buy into the more expensive products are better but in this case I’ll have to say they most certainly are.

The only product I wasn’t crazy about was the PH Restorative Detangling Toning Mist. I tried it once but it contains Apple Vinegar and the smell (for me) is simply unbearable. Being extremely fair skinned, I suffered numerous sunburns as a child and my mother’s vinegar baths came flashing back. I’m not even sure how it worked because I was so busy trying to get rid of the smell. But if you don’t mind the scent of vinegar, definitely give it a shot.

As a huge fan of these products, I now find myself rationing. I’ll alternate these shampoos with my old standbys. But who knows when it runs out, I may find myself unable to leave without Philip B.

Thanks again Stella for this fantastic discovery.

As if Hollie's fabulous mane of hair could be any more beautiful! Heaven, cotton candy and love? Sigh. I think I might have to check out Philip B myself.

Desperate Housewives - Season Finale

The two-hour season finale of Desperate Housewives was actually two one hour episodes. It featured the return of Edie (as one of Dave's hallucinations) and more importantly the return of Lily Tomlin as McCluskey's sister Roberta.

M.J. survived and the writers did a bit to try and rehabilitate Dave's reputation. But instead of being killed by the crash he set up to punish Susan, he actually survived and is back in a mental institution.

Cliffhangers for next season: Lynette's pregnancy and how it will affect the Scavo's future/marriage, Karl and Bree's hot affair and who was it that Mike married at the end of the show? I'm guessing Susan given that passionate kiss they shared after the drama with Dave was over.

Gabby's dealing with a mini-me in the form of the teen-aged granddaughter of Miss Patti--I mean Carlos' Aunt Connie--who she and Carlos take in when Aunt Connie becomes too ill to continue caring for her. Actually, Ana combines the bad sides of Gabby and former DH demon seed Kayla. No doubt she'll wreak havoc on the Solis marriage before she's eventually put out to pasture.

In addition to horrendous hairstyles, Felicity Huffman has had to suffer through the Susan Mayerization of her character this season. I mean, seriously--has anyone been more annoying than Lynette lately? A couple of weeks ago, she's telling Tom he can do whatever he wants since she's got a nice, cushy job and this week she's sabotaging his attempt to go back to school because learning to speak Mandarin is frivolous?

Who cares? He was hanging out with Gabby's garden club before. Although one doesn't need to attend a university to learn a language. No doubt he could have taken an Adult Ed or community college course or two.

Best line of the night: Lynette to nurse who refused to tell her the test results, "If it's cancer and I find out you knew, I won't be dying alone."

I don't really care who Mike ended up marrying (if it's Susan again, he deserves what he gets...), but the Karl and Bree affair should make it worthwhile to tune in next season. And note to Marc Cherry: more Bob and Lee!

Star Trek

I was a bit trepidatious about seeing the new Star Trek today. Not about whether or not J.J. Abrams and company would adhere to canon, but given its box office popularity I was afraid I'd be dealing with crowds.

Of course, even in desolate movie theaters I have the ability to attract unwelcome neighbors. You may recall my ongoing run-ins with a movie-going geezer who continually managed to plant his hunched-over carcass right in front of me on a number of occasions.

Of course this was at the Avco in Westwood, so I thought I'd be safe seeing Star Trek in Santa Monica. And I lucked out--the 10:50 am showing had maybe a dozen people in the audience. The lights went down and we were "treated" to a series of lame trailers for future action-adventure movies including Michael Bay's deafening addition to the Transformers franchise and the inexplicable G.I. Joe.

G.I. Joe? Really? Seriously folks, it's only a matter of time until we get movies featuring Cap'n Crunch and the Trix Rabbit.

So, as I'm settling into the movie, who should shuffle in ten minutes into the flick but the hunched-over geezer! I kid you not! And of course, he proceeds to plant himself in the seat directly in front of me!!!

Note to Geezer: STOP STALKING ME!!!

He shuffled out ten minutes later, but what the @#$%?!!!

Back to the movie review: You got to give J.J. and company credit for keeping the action going. Never a dull moment in the movie--although the non-stop action did get a bit tedious at times. I'm thinking maybe the writers took into account the fact that most movie-goers know these characters well enough to dispense with the character development. But I could have used the break.

As far as the characters go, everyone did a pretty good job of inhabiting the well-loved icons of TOS. Chris Pine channeled Kirk's swagger, Zachary Quinto mastered Spock's arched eyebrow (although rumor has it he had to have his fingers taped together to manage his salute) and the rest of the cast did a respectable job. My favorite was Simon Pegg who managed to not only inhabit Montgomery Scott, but make the character completely his own in a criminally brief amount of screen time.

On the other end of the spectrum was Anton Yelchin as Pavel Chekov. While it would have been hard for the young actor to duplicate Walter Koenig's dark attraction, the fact that Yelchin has as much charisma as a hyperactive cockapoo didn't help. And what were the hair stylists thinking with that frizzy perm? Yelchin's look as Charlie Bartlett was more similar to Chekov's than that!

Makeup can't be let off the hook either--Gaila the green Orion girl looked like Elphaba's understudy in Wicked than an alien life form. On the plus side was the casting of Karl Urban as Leonard McCoy. Who knew "Bones" was such a hottie?

The biggest "what the @#$%?" for me was the "have your cake and eat it, too" choice to ignore the established backstory (known to Trekkies or Trekkers or whatever they call themselves as "canon") and yet allegedly remain faithful to that backstory. And how can they do that you ask? Simple: time travel.

See, everything happened just the way the Trekkies established canon proscribes, but due to a blackhole (or wormhole), a vindictive renegade Romulean changed the past. I guess knowing J.J. Abrams love of time travel, this was to be an expected move. And while it allowed Leonard Nimoy to join the cast playing a near 200 year-old Spock (and looking every single day of it!), I'm not sure it really accomplished improving the story.

In fact, Abrams and the writers as much as concede that fact with a running joke about how taking certain shortcuts are the equivalent of cheating. To me, it was sort of like the Republicans rewriting history by pulling the "what did she know and when" routine on Nancy Pelosi as a smokescreen against their administration's complicity in using torture interrogation techniques.

This isn't to say that the reboot of the Star Trek franchise was torture--it was a mostly entertaining flick. But I can't see using time travel to avoid staying true to the characters' backstory necessarily as an improvement.

Cutting the Cord?

A recent article in the Washington Post discussed the tenuous future of television.

I've recently caught up with season three of Dexter and season two of Eli Stone compliments of CastTV. Both series I wasn't able to watch during their regular season, so I was grateful for the opportunity to watch them on my schedule.

But cutting the cord? Not quite there yet.

For one, the quality of the digital video on CastTV was mediocre at best. And there's always the inescapable fact that some series just beg to be watched real time (such as the series finale of LOST) so as to be on the same page as everyone else at the "water cooler."

As for Eli Stone, who I was introduced to via the season one DVD, all I have to say is--Damn, that's a great show! Sadly I don't think it's coming back and I'm going to miss it. Jonny Lee Miller, whose claim to fame heretofore was being married to Angelina Jolie, is completely adorable and what a great American accent!

How come Brits do American accents better than American actors (Gwyneth and Renee, I'm talking to you!)?

I still haven't been able to watch the last two episodes: "Tailspin" and "Flight Path." Anyone know where I can find them?

Ugly Betty and The Office - In the Stars and Company Picnic

Ugh. Another episode featuring whiny Matt--who apparently in addition to being a spoiled, rich, sex addict is also a dilettante. His gnat-sized attention span threatens to derail Marc and Betty's shot to win the Y.E.T.I. final project challenge.

Due to a hiring freeze at Mode, both Marc and Betty's future hang in the balance with the outcome of the project. Daniel apologizes to Betty telling her, "I know you have bigger aspirations than booking my tans."

Unfortunately Matt seems to be more preoccupied with watching YouTube videos with Amanda than participating in the project. Marc wants to kick him out of the group telling Betty, "It's a dog-eat-dog world and Matt's looking a lot like lunch."

Matt confesses to Betty that he's lost his passion for publishing but Mrs. Hartley shows up to get Betty to convince him to finish Y.E.T.I. With access to the planetarium for their project's photo shoot hanging in the balance, Betty manages to get Matt to finish out the last week of the project. But when Matt witnesses his mother mouthing a "thank you" to Betty, he freaks out and walks out on her and the project.

He seems to do a lot of that.

He comes back to apologize to Betty--and present a peace offering in the form of singer Adele, star of the photo shoot. As he cuts in on Daniel he tells Betty, "If I step on your toes it's because I'm a terrible dancer," to which Betty replies, "If I step on your toes it's probably because I'm still mad at you."

The Mode wedding issue runs into some obstacles when Matt's dad, the not-so-silent-partner Cal Hartley, finds fault with Willie's layout. In between the blatant Cherry 7-Up Antioxidant product placement, he tells Willie that the dresses aren't "popping." He then solicits Claire's advice and puts her to work helping Willie.

Of course, the two end up fighting and Willie delivers an ultimatum to Cal Hartley telling him there are three things she doesn't do: "Collaboration, compromise and Claire--and believe me I chose the nice C there."

Claire gracefully bows out which leads Cal to appoint her Senior Vice President of Meade Publications--much to Willie's chagrin.

The Mode wedding issue causes a minor misunderstanding between Molly and Daniel when she thinks Daniel is proposing to her. Daniel then decides to make the proposal real and Molly accepts.

Best line from a gay Mode co-worker upon hearing the news about the impending nuptials:

"That is so great…that you're allowed to do that."

There is almost another upcoming wedding on the show when Ignacio proposes to Elena and she accepts--but Ignacio withdraws his proposal so that Elena can accept her dream job in California. And thanks to Betty, Molly and Daniel's wedding goes off without a hitch--but while she and Daniel pack for their honeymoon, she collapses on the bathroom floor.

Henry is back for the season finale (no doubt due to the cancellation of Harper's Island), so perhaps this is the end of the irritating Matt Hartley.

On The Office, Dunder-Mifflin has a company picnic so we got to see the return of Idris Elba as Charles and Amy Ryan as Holly Flax.

God, I've missed Holly. Maybe almost as much as Michael has--although he didn't go through with his plan to tell her that they are soul mates. You only have to watch the two of them together doing their lame SlumDunder-Mifflinaire routine where they inadvertently let slip that the Buffalo branch is closing down--while the entire branch sits in the audience--to know that the two belong together.

Sigh.

Speaking of soul mates, it looks like sweethearts Jim and Pam may be expecting. Pam, the Scranton branch's best volleyball player, gets injured in their grudge match against corporate. Dwight tries to stall for time while Jim takes her to a local hospital to get her ankle checked out.

Pam tries to rush the process while the nurse asks her a battery of questions. She asks if they can hurry this up because she has a game to get back to, to which the nurse replies, "Oh good 'cuz my next question is "Do you have a game to get back to?""



God, they're adorable!

LOST - The Incident

Okay that was definitely a "WOW" and a "Whoa!!!" of a season finale for LOST.

Jacob possesses Richard Alpert's (aka "Richardus") anti-aging powers. In fact, he was responsible for giving them to our guy-linered friend.

Jacob also seemed to play a part in bringing the Losties to the island. We saw him playing a small part in each of their lives prior to and after their fateful crash on the island. Oddly, Jacob gave a young reckless Katie Austen instructions to "Be good"--which of course she ignored. Conversely, Jacob provided a young, orphaned Sawyer the pen with which to write his poison pen letter to Mr. Sawyer (aka John Locke's conman daddy).

It was Sawyer's uncle who told the young James, "What's done is done," which evoked Daniel Faraday's "Whatever happened, happened."

Later, Jack tells Sawyer, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

Same thing, different words.

It wasn't a good name if your character's name started with a J: Jacob was stabbed by Ben and pushed into the fire by Locke (aka the smoke monster?), Juliet got sucked down the drill shaft by the electromagnetic energy field and John Locke--well, it turns out dead IS dead.

(It also wasn't a good night if your name was Sayid, Phil or if you were a Dharma extra...)

The episode opened with Jacob and an unknown rival. Their Cain and Abel relationship reminded me of the rivalry between Widmore and Ben--although it's probably the other way around. The Black Rock sails into view and man #2 (the credited name for Titus Welliver's character) remarks, "They come. They fight. They destroy. They corrupt."

"Do you have an idea how badly I want to kill you?" he asks Jacob. Apparently he's looking for a loophole, which seems to be that HE can't kill Jacob but someone else can. Is this the beginning of those rules that Ben and Widmore quibbled over? That someone else turns out to be Ben, who is set up first by the smoke monster in the form of Alex and later as the smoke monster in the form of John Locke.

The smoke monster as Locke also sets up Locke when he tells Richard to tell him he's gonna have to die. So it wasn't Locke controlling his own destiny--it was the smoke monster!

So is Jacob good and Smoky bad? You had to love Lapidus' response to Bram's assertion that they are the good guys (Ilana and company appear to be on "Team Jacob"), "In my experience the people who go out of their way to tell you they're the good guys are the bad guys."

Jacob seemed all calm and benevolent, but while it seemed he prevented Sayid from getting hit by the same car that killed Nadia, he did nothing to prevent Nadia's death. He makes cameo appearances after Jack's first major surgery, at Sun and Jin's wedding (offering a blessing in Korean--was it Jacob who taught Charlotte the language?), while Locke lay bleeding on the ground after being pushed out the window by his Daddy and following Hurley's release from prison. And he was after all played by a drug addict and wife abuser (of Dexter fame)...

In the "wrapping up loose ends department," we were reunited briefly with Rose, Bernard and Vincent who had been living quite peacefully in the jungle. When they hear of the latest Lostie drama, Rose remarks, "It's always something with you people."

It was confirmed that Eloise was pregnant (with Daniel). We saw Sun retrieve Charlie's ring which he left for Claire in Aaron's cradle. How Pierre Chang lost his arm during the Incident. How Hurley came to have a guitar on the Ajira flight. Jack going all action hero on us (We knew he was good with a scapel--who knew he could handle a gun?) The Dharma van careening towards the Swan top support Jack in his mission was reminiscent of the season three finale.

And we got to see the fight that's been brewing since season one: the Jack and Sawyer smackdown.

For all the talk about a Juliet-Kate catfight, the two were pretty damned supportive of each other with Juliet backing Kate up to get off the sub and stop Jack and Kate trying desperately to keep Juliet from being sucked down the shaft. But that tragic event was ultimately the key to completing Jack's plan: a severely injured Juliet finding a rock and striking the bomb until it explodes.

Best lines of the night:

John: You mind if I ask you a question?
Ben: I'm a Pisces.

Locke to Richard upon arriving at the statue: "Well it's a wonderful foot, Richard--but what does it have to do with Jacob?"

Sawyer to Jack: "I don't speak "destiny.""

Juliet to Sawyer post smackdown: "I'm glad you finally got it out of your system."

Ben to "John" re: Jacob - "I lied. That's what I do."

Sun: What happened to the statue?
Ben: I don't know. It was like that when I got here.
Sun: Do you expect me to believe that?
Ben: Not really.

So, if the bomb worked then none of the casualties of last night's episode are dead, right? And what did Ilana mean about Frank Lapidus possibly being "a candidate?" Where was Desmond last night? And was that whole thing about Jacob spinning thread and weaving supposed to be a reference to Clotho, the Fate who spins the thread of life?

Eight long months, people. Until then, review the recap at Lostpedia, the screencaps at Dark UFO and Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney's Dueling Analyses at washingtonpost.com.

And perhaps post some theories of your own in the comments...

Twisted

Jaw-droppingly sick. I love it!

LOST: Season 5 finale is The Incident

This might be the last missive from George for a while. Aaaaccckkkk!!! I can't believe the LOST season finale is tonight. Whatever happens, you know it'll be a cliffhanger that will keep us guessing until it returns next year:

Hello LOSTies,

Wasn't "Follow The Leader" one of the best set up episodes??

To remind you of what happened we'll start in 1977. Daniel is dead and Eloise realizes that he WAS telling the truth about being her son, especially after seeing her handwriting in his notebook.

After Jack and Kate get captured by Charles, Eloise and Jack strike a deal...to work together to detonate Jughead, essentially completing Daniel's work. Kate couldn't stand the thought of blowing up a bomb so she returned to DHARMAviile, while Sayid replaced her on the crew to Jughead.

Pierre began the evacuation procedures after believing the group was from future about "The Incident". Miles, from the bushes, saw his mom and himself being evacuated. Saywer made a deal with Radzinsky, and he and Juliet made it on the departing sub in return for a map leading to the Hostiles camp. Kate is also thrown into the departing sub and the sub leaves the island.

Jughead's location is right under DHARMAville and Jack, Sayid, Eloise, and Richard get to the chamber where it is located.

In 2007/8, Sun confronts Richard about Jin and Richard confesses to seeing them all die in front of his eyes. Using her grief and the Others' lack of Jacob knowledge, Locke sets out to confront Jacob on how to get everyone back. Ben begins to set some doubt in Richard's head over Locke's leadership and intentions. Meanwhile, once they have started their journey, Locke admits to Ben his true plans..to kill Jacob.

At 8 p.m. tonight there will be a recap episode called "LOST: A Journey In Time"

This leads up to tonight's Season 5 finale "The Incident" at 9 p.m..

So what will we get tonight??

• We will get Jack and group trying to move the bomb to the Swan with time running out.
• We will have Radzinsky pushing for the excavation of the Swan site.
• We will have further clarifications of Locke's plan to kill Jacob (this includes a shout-out to Smokey's appearance as Alex)
• We will find out the fates of Rose and Bernard
• We will see the mysterious box that Ilana and Bram had on Hydra Island when they knocked out Frank.
• We will see Roger attempt revenge
• We will see the following characters: _A___A, __M, and __C___. We will meet someones Uncle Doug, too.
• We will also ____N with someone shocking.

Can Jack stop "The Incident", thereby preventing 815 from ever crashing? Will Sawyer, Juliet, and Kate drink the OJ on the sub? Will Juliet pull out all stops to keep her man from Kate? Will there be a common thread amongst the main characters no one saw coming? Will we find out what lies in the shadows of the statue? Will we see the statue? Will we see Jacob? And with a cliffhanger unlike any other cliffhanger in the history of LOST, tonight will be one episode we'll be talking about for 8 LOOOONG months.

And look out for these two men, Mark Pellegrino (ex-Paul Bennett, Dexter) & Titus Welliver (ex-Silas Adams, Deadwood):

So we will get to see what happened with Rose and Bernard. Awesome!

There is now officially a holiday for everything...

Today is "Root Canal Appreciation Day."

I kid you not.

The only thing I'm appreciating is the fact I've never had to endure a root canal (although I am fond of using the phrase, "I'd rather have a root canal..." when referring to odious experiences like shopping at Wal-Mart or watching a Pauly Shore movie).

I wonder if there's a Hallmark card to commemorate this event...

Desperate Housewives - Marry Me a Little

Loved the noir homage in last night's episode of Desperate Housewives. Karl Mayer as Bogart and Bree Hodge as Bacall.

Pretty clever.

Karl's plan to rob Bree's home in order to conceal her possessions from community property almost works. Bree's fussiness and insisting to Karl, "Wipe your feet first. I just had the carpets cleaned," leads him to retort later, "Man, it must be stressful being you."

When Bree and Orson arrive back to a ransacked house, Bree is worried but Orson's response to her timid, "We've been robbed," is "It wasn't me. I swear!" She gets cold feet when Orson gallantly arranges to replace a Venetian mask for her, but Karl reassures her with a little "Here's looking at you, kid" speech. Bree asks if he says the same thing to all his clients, to which Karl replies, "Hell, no. I get some real uggos in here. You know the kind who are gonna die alone and get eaten by their cats."

That Karl. Such a charmer!

Karl's scheme is derailed when Bree's storage unit calls her cell phone and Orson answers it.

Susan and Jackson's sham marriage almost hits the skids as well when Susan realizes that she won't be receiving Mike's alimony payments. Mike is inspired (for better or worse) to propose to Katherine--and although she is suspicious of his motives, she accepts. When Susan confides her dilemma, Katherine isn't about to let Susan's wedding get called off and thus affect hers. So she texts Susan pretending to be Mike and agreeing to continue the alimony.

Hmmm--wondering if she's gonna to pay it, too?

It's a moot point because Dave Williams overheard the whole conversation and arranges for the INS to pick Jackson up just as he and Susan are on their way to the courthouse. That way there's no witness around to put him at the scene of the crime for the nightclub fire and death of Dr. Heller.

Tom experiences the same ageism that Lynette faced earlier this season and, after hearing the secret of a former classmate's youthful appearance, decides plastic surgery is the answer. Lynette tries to dissuade him by introducing him to Bruce from Accounting who recently had a little work done. "Really?," says Tom startled, "Have they finished?"

"If you're unsatisfied with your looks someday you're gonna be unsatisfied with mine," Lynette tells him when shocking him with Bruce doesn't work.

Gabby runs into an old friend at a soup kitchen and needs to find out how the once wealthy acquaintance ended up with nothing. She is warned by Frann that despite coming back from the brink of financial disaster, she's not immune to losing it all.

With Jackson out of the picture, Dave's plan to kill M.J. as revenge against Susan is back on track. Although I can't help but wonder why that wasn't the plan to begin with. Does he really think Mike would have been more devastated by Katherine's death than the loss of his young son?

And Mike is still pining for Susan. Poor Katherine!

Oh well--maybe she'll hook up with Jackson. And if so, maybe she'll trim his bangs. That piece of hair in his eyes was bugging me last night...

Cat-Man-Do

We watched this YouTube video while eating pizza last night. Anyone who has or has ever had a cat will appreciate it. (It's even funnier with the sound off...)

Rachel Getting Married

Watched this flick on Pay-per-view with Dave and Kat this evening. Two things:

1. Anne Hathaway definitely deserved the Oscar nod for her performance. When I saw trailers for the movie I kept thinking to myself, hasn't this movie been made already? Rachel Getting Married, Margot at the Wedding? But Hathaway's performance as a troubled young woman who gets a weekend pass from rehab to attend her sister's wedding is mesmerizing.

She's a perfect balance of self-absorbed drama queen and fragile vulnerability. The whole cast does an incredible job.

2. Anyone about to plan a wedding should watch this and then elope. Unless you're a complete masochist or bridezilla, this film perfectly captures the overwrought dysfunction inherent in most weddings.

It's definitely worth putting on your Netflix list.

Tossers

Went to see Danny Grossman's short film Tossers at Mockfest this afternoon.

Very amusing.



It was followed by a film that stretched the definition of "short film" (meaning it was interminable) and "mockumentary." Prior to the screening, Steve was joking that these festivals often include a genre known as "experimental." But that would be more accurately known as "failed experiment."

So when the title card flashed the writer/director's vanity card reading [INSERT NAME HERE] Experimental, I was wary. Turns out Steve's assessment was correct. The conceit was to take two actors, give them a backstory of married guy chasing his fed-up girlfriend on a train from L.A. to New York City, have them improv fights in front of real people and draw those people into the fictional story.

No a bad idea but it could have used some ruthless editing as it dragged on FOREVER. It takes five days to travel from Los Angeles to New York on train and that's how long it felt like watching the film. My cohorts slipped out one by one, but I stayed until the bitter end. Well, almost the bitter end. With an end card that dedicated the film to "patience," the act of endurance, I couldn't help but wonder if the screening was an elaborate joke on the audience who suffered through it.

Ugly Betty and The Office -The Born Identity and Cafe Disco

As predicted Willie did indeed fake the DNA results and William was Christina's son.

Willie brings William to the office to manipulate Hartley at the presentation. It works as Hartley exclaims, "I love babies! Maybe because they can't ask me for money." When he goes to ogle William, the baby is missing.

Christina and Stuart kidnapped William because Christina is convinced that William is hers. Betty unwittingly becomes an accomplice and then Claire Meade gets involved as they try to arrange for another DNA test. But before they can have one performed, the cops show up and arrest Christina and Stuart.

Betty attempts to con Willie into admitting that William isn't her baby--which fails, but her warning that Willie cannot possibly keep the lie up for much longer does work. Willie manages to spin things so she looks like the selfless hero, but without William as Bradford's heir Claire and Daniel are poised to get rid of Willie once and for all. Willie, however, has covered her bases by admitting her deviousness to Hartley and getting him to back her.

'Cuz Willie is a shark while Daniel is a bunny.

So not surprisingly Willie will remain to thwart Daniel and Claire and add her special brand of haughtiness to the show, but Christina is heading back to Scotland. Too bad, but at least we didn't have to see skeevy Matt last night. But I'm wondering what the heck has been up with Molly?

Best lines of the show--an exchange between Willie and Marc as usual:

Willie: Marc, put on your game face.
(Marc looks fierce)
Willie: I said your "game face" not your gay face.
Marc: (pouting) Same face!

And Suzuki St. Pierre's rendering of Christina and Stuart's baby twenty years in the future as a paunchy, pasty drunk was too hysterical.

Michael creates a little getaway in the former Michael Scott Paper Company location so he can dance and drink espresso. He tries to get the rest of the office to loosen up, but they are resistant. "Charles really did a number on these guys," he theorizes and invites them to take a break and drink coffee and dance.

"It's a combo disco coffee bar?" Phyllis asks. "Cafe Disco," Erin dubs it. Still, no-one wants to take Michael up on "All you can eat espresso" except for Kevin. When Angela comes down to retrieve him, Michael tells her, "This is a no-work zone, Please respect the lei!"

Phyllis is attracted by the music and tries to get her husband Bob to join her for a dance, but is thwarted by his secretary. She goes to Cafe Disco anyway, but ends up throwing out her back while dancing with Michael.

Michael and Dwight manage to get her back up to the office, where Michael is met with disapproval from the staff. "You all took a life here today. The life of the party!" he tells them as he storms into his office.

Meanwhile Dr. Dwight starts to attend to Phyllis using massage techniques that were used on Schrute race horses. He notes that Phyllis grinds her teeth. "It's the most annoying thing...like children singing Christmas carols!"

Sent to dismantle Cafe Disco by Michael, Erin turns on the music again and starts dancing with Kelly. Soon, Cafe Disco is filled with people. Upstairs, Michael mournfully tells Creed, "Café Disco is dead, but I can still hear music in my head..." "I hear it too, boss," Creed replies.

Michael goes downstairs to find Cafe Disco jumping and Kelly and Andy having a dance-off. The homage to Flashdance was particularly amusing although it would have been even funnier if ANDY had been doing the Jennifer Beals impression rather than Kelly.

Creed gives Michael a mini disco ball from his car to hang up telling him, "I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now." Phyllis and Dwight show up and Phyllis asks him if he'll dance with her. "Sure. You need to move to reduce lactic acid buildup plus this song is fantastic!" Dwight answers. But then Bob Vance arrives to dance with his wife. Even Jim and Pam, who had planned to sneak off to Ohio and elope, are drawn to the cheesy delights of Cafe Disco.

Michael still can't get Angela to join in. "I just don't like the general spirit of music," she insists. But as Michael sits next to her, he can't help but note that she's tapping her foot along with the rhythm of the music.

LOST - Follow the Leader

It was an action-packed episode of LOST last night. Both Sawyer and Jack had the $@#% beat of them (although in Sawyer's case, I'm pretty sure there's still a lot of $#@% left in the wise-cracking former con man...), Jack and Eloise headed for the bomb, Dharma women and children headed for the hills (Ann Arbor, actually...) and John Locke took his people on a Pilgrimage to see Jacob.

It was heartening to see younger Eloise a bit broken up about shooting her son. Between recognizing the weird man who told her to bury the bomb 20 years ago and her handwriting in his journal, she is more than ready to hear Jack's explanation. When Jack explains that they're from the future and everything can be fixed by detonating the bomb, Eloise asks Kate, "Does he know what he's talking about?" "He thinks he does," replies Kate grimly.

On the way to the bomb, Kate decides she no longer wants to participate but instead wants to return to Dharma-ville to warn them of the impending blast. One of the Others is about to shoot her, but is shot instead by none other than Sayid! Yay--he's back! What timing, huh?

Jack tries to convince Kate to stay telling her, "This is our destiny." But Kate incredulously replies, "Do you know who you sound like?" and leaves. Sayid, however, decides to follow Jack on the mission even after finding out his attempt to kill young Ben Linus was thwarted by Kate and Sawyer. He tells Jack that either his plan will fix things or put them out of their misery.

What an optimist!

Jin, Miles and Hugo head for the beach but are stopped by Pierre Chang who asks if they are really from the future. "Dude, that's ridiculous!" Hurley lies. But after being grilled by Chang as to his birthdate, whether or not he fought in the Korean War or who is currently (in 1977) President, Hurley caves admitting, "Alright dude, I'm from the future."

Miles also admits that he is Chang's son and is able to convince him to evacuate the island. He then witnesses how his Dad had to practically force his Mom onto the sub in order to save their lives. The three also see Sawyer and Juliet entering the sub which leads Hurley to remark, "Sawyer always has a plan."

Sawyer's plan: "We'll buy Microsoft....and we'll bet on the Cowboys in the '78 Superbowl. We'll be rich." Taking a last look at the island before entering the sub, Sawyer says, "Good riddance." But the sweet moment of togetherness between Sawyer and Juliet is ruined by the last minute entrance by Kate--who upon returning to Dharma-ville was exiled off the island by Horace.

Given next week's preview, it appears that neither Sawyer nor Kate make it to Ann Arbor...

Thirty years later in 2007, John Locke returns to the Others camp with the carcass of a boar. Richard is a bit surprised to see Locke--but even more startled to see Sun and Ben. Ben explains to Sun that Richard is a sort of "Advisor" and that he's had that position for a very, very, very long time.

Sun approaches Richard and shows him the Dharma photo given to her by Christian Shepherd. She asks Richard if he was here in 1977 and Richard tells her that he recognizes the people in the photo because "I watched them all die."

So we've got two competing time lines: one where Jack and company try to detonate the bomb and erase the crash of Flight 815 and everything that happened afterwards, and one where John Locke and company attempt to stop Jack and company from dying in 1977.

I think.

Anyway, Locke was especially "twinkly" last night. And both Ben and Richard seemed a bit off-balance because of it. He tells Richard that they need to go on an errand and tells Ben he's coming with them. "Afraid I'll stage a coup?" Ben taunts. Locke is unruffled.

Later he tells Richard that he wants him to take him to Jacob. "That's not how it works!" Ben insists. Locke is calmly insistant.

He then directs Richard to approach the injured man coming out of the jungle and to remove the bullet from his leg and to tell him he has to bring everyone who was on the plane with him back and he may have to die to do it. Ben is astounded that Locke set up his own future. "This must be quite the out of body experience," he says to Locke and asks how he knew the precise timing of the encounter.

"The island told me," John replies serenely.

Back at camp, John gathers the Others and invites them to go with him to meet Jacob. Now both Richard and Ben are freaked out. "I'm starting to think John Locke is going to be trouble," Richard confides to Ben. "Why do you think I tried to kill him?" Ben responds.

Always the manipulator, Ben confides to John that Richard "has concerns" as the Others make their Pilgrimage to Jacob. Locke is amused. Ben asks if he really thinks Jacob will reunite him with the O6. "I'm not interested in being reunited with my people," Locke says sanguinely. A confused Ben asks, "Why are we going to Jacob?"

"So I can kill him," John calmly replies.

We've got a recap show followed by the two-hour season finale next week. Until then, check out the recap at Lostpedia, the screencaps at Dark UFO and Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney's Dueling Analyses at washingtonpost.com.

LOST: Who's gonna FOLLOW THE LEADER??

LOST guru George Yuhba breaks it down for us as we head towards the season finale:

"I have this condition" - Daniel Faraday to Charles Widmore.

Hello LOSTies,

This condition would be memory loss for the genius. And the only solution is mommie dearest sending him to the island knowing that she will kill him. Such a sad tale as Eloise pushes her son to focus on math and science to hopefully one day correct her past indiscretions, but since whatever happened, happened Daniel still gets shot and killed. But not before he tells Jack and Kate about his Variable theory that they MAY be able to change the past. For that to happen they would need to blow up the hydrogen bomb, Jughead, which Eloise buried in 1954 somewhere on the island.

Over in DHARMAville, Jack/Kate/Daniel's escape leads Radzinsky straight to Sawyer's house where he discovers Phil tied up and gagged in the closet. Sawyer and Juliet surrender to the men, while Hurley and Miles start their escape plan. It is revealed that Penny is Daniel's half sister, Charles Widmore is Daniel's daddy! Also, in 2008, Eloise visits Penny while she awaits word on Desmond's surgery to remove the bullet that Ben put inside of him. Desmond makes it out of surgery and reminds Penny he will not leave her. Eloise pulls a Chris Brown and slaps Charles when confronted with the fact she sent Daniel to the island.

Other key things:
- Juliet is glad to help Kate leave by giving her the code to the sonic fence.
- Daniel gives young Charlotte his ominous warning.
- Daniel confronts Pierre with the truth: he's from the future and he needs to evacuate the island.
- Miles denies being from the future or Pierre's son when Daniel is trying to make his case.

So where is everyone and with whom going into the final stretch here:

2008
USA - Desmond, Penny, Charlie, Eloise, Charles, Walt
Hydra Island - Ilana, Bram, Frank, Ajira survivors
LOST Island - Locke, Sun, Ben, Richard, the Others

1977
DHARMAville - Sawyer, Juliet, Radzinsky, Phil, Horace
Outskirts of DHARMAville - Pierre, Hurley, Jin, Miles
Jungle - Dead Daniel, Jack, Kate, Eloise, Richard, the Hostiles
Missing in Jungle - Sayid

And now on to tonight..."Follow The Leader"

With the finale next week looming, the best way to describe tonight's episode is the lead up to the events in the finale. It's setting the stage, it's placing people and events. The name of tonight is appropriate as the groups form out and seek leadership on their next roles in the story. In 2008, Locke will meet up with the Others and reclaim his role as their leader. He will take them on a trek across the island. For one it will mean hope, for another it may mean death.

Ben will have a hard time accepting Locke as his superior, which may lead John to give Ben a fateful assignment. In 1977, the fallout from Sawyer and Juliet's deception will lead to a bargaining chip that could lead to something positive. Meanwhile, Pierre and Eloise come to their own conclusions, which sets into motion two major events...two decisions that may cost everyone everything. For one group it could mean salvation, for another it could mean rewriting history. And anything can happen....

Stick around folks, because next week is the season finale of LOST...

Wondering: If they manage to erase the past and Flight Oceanic 815 never crashes, what will happen for next season?