Happy Birthday to Me...

...and my sister, Laurie! We share a birthday--but apparently the universe isn't impressed. We both are dealing with assorted and decidedly non-Birthday bull$@#.

Laurie's been working insane hours and, despite being in the same town where my brother David resides, has been unable to catch a break to catch up with him.

My car is obstinately refusing to pass CA smog. Watch out buster or it's the junk heap for you! And, I'm fighting yet another cold.

It hasn't been all bad, though.

I got a funny card from my funny friend Dave. It was actually a Thanksgiving card with a picture of a Mayflower looking ship on front and the words:

"The first Thanksgiving took place in 1620, when the Pilgrims left England aboard the Mayflower and sailed to America on a rough, dangerous and exhausting 62 day journey across the Atlantic."

And then inside the card it says:

"It's amazing what some people will do to get away from their relatives. Happy Thanksgiving."

It's a funny card but even funnier was Dave's inscription which in typical Dave stream of consciousness fashion went like this:

"okay, so it isn't thanksgiving.
i'm just a little early.
but maybe you were really born on turkey day¹ but it was so hectic, what with the bird prep and all that your Pa² said, "Next year her birthday is gonna be January 17th, in honor of Martin King³. That sounds like something your father would do.⁴
But then your mom said, "No freakin' way! She's my turkey baby and that's how it's gonna stay!"⁵
And if your parent are like most parents, they couldn't agree so you had two birthdays.
And that means if you've had two birthdays every years for what?, the past thirty years or so,⁶ even though in their eyes you're sixty,⁷ really you're only fifteen.⁸
Damn, all this thinking about math and seein' how good I am at it makes me wish I had been an astrologist.⁹
So happy birthday!
Now let's make something of this year!"

¹ I wasn't born on turkey day.
² Pa? What is this--Little House on the Prairie?
³ Martin Luther King day wasn't established until 1983. Though it pains me to admit it, I am older than 26.
⁴ No, it doesn't.
⁵ I must point out that Dave has never met my mother or father.
⁶ Close enough.
⁷ SIXTY?!!! What happened to THIRTY?
⁸ The mad math skills just blow my mind...
⁹ Hmm, humorist maybe. Otherwise, don't quit your day job!

Speaking of family, yesterday I received a card ("You're not getting old...Hell, you were old last year!") from James. Via Express Mail. Since he bagged out on Christmas, I guess he really didn't want to miss my birthday, too. Enclosed was a check for $200 with an admonition in the memo field "Presents only!" In his inimitable scrawl he wrote:

"Happy Birthday Sis!!!

From your sucky brother James. I certainly don't set out to be inconsiderate some how it just finds me. Any way I love you, and I miss you and I look forward to seeing you again soon.
PLEASE!!! The check was not intended to be impersonal I really just wanted you to have what you really desired. If I could, I would take you T.V. shopping. But please get what you really want and tell me how wonderful I am later.

NO BILL PAYING!"

Well, okay then. I've got the perfect plan for the $200. Once Laurie gets the flash designed, James will be footing the bill for my next tattoo.

My friend John called me to wish me a happy birthday last night. My brother David IM'd birthday greetings this morning. And I've had dozens of people wishing me a Happy Birthday via Facebook.

With one notable exception. It's the same person who ignored my birthday last year. And someone to whom I've always been available to provide assistance. Including a $@#%load of 24/7 free tech support.

Ah well. Hope someone isn't in need of tech support anytime soon. I'll be taking some time off--to celebrate my birthday!