Thoughts on the NEW 90210

1. The excess of this update makes the original look like Little House on the Prairie by comparison.

2. The writing for the pilot was abysmal. Just about every bit of dialogue was dripping with exposition. Hopefully, with the need for backstory out of the way, the writing will improve.

Not only was there was too much exposition, but all logic was thrown out the window. Annie is at Naomi's party where she sees Ethan and then leaves the party to go the beach and sees Ethan coming out of the water after surfing. How in the world did he have time to leave the same party, change into a wetsuit and have been surfing before Annie even gets there? Perhaps he has a double. Or a clone. There's no logical or logistical explanation.

And who knew that lacrosse players were so bad-ass?

3. Much ballyhoo about Jennie Garth (who looks pretty good), Shannen Doherty (who looks kinda worse for wear) and Joe E. Tata (who hasn't changed a bit) returning to the infamous zip. But, hey--what about Rob Estes and Lori Loughlin? The former was a resident of 90210 spin-off Melrose Place and the latter late of Summerland--which also featured Kansas transplants to California. Yes, Kansas...the go-to state for the midwestern innocents soon to be corrupted by Californian values--or lack thereof.

4. Speaking of innocents being corrupted, that was the original premise of the original show. The two midwest kids dealing with the excesses of a Beverly Hills lifestyle. Annie (Shenae Grimes) and Dixon (Tristan Wilds) don't seem nearly as fresh and innocent as the first season Brenda and Brandon. So what's the hook of this show? Oh yeah, it's Gossip Girl set in Los Angeles!

Debbie and Harry Wilson talk a good game about going back to Kansas to protect their kids from being corrupted, but Annie and Dixon seem like overprivileged brats to begin with. And speaking of Kansas--how is it that Debbie Wilson (Lori Loughlin), who is the Carol Walsh character, has a job as a fashion photographer? 'Cuz there are soooo many fashion magazines in Kansas!

5. According to an interview featuring Loughlin:

But like the original show, the new family won’t be living the opulent lifestyle of some of their Beverly Hills neighbors. Explained Loughlin: “Yes, modest living. We go to live with my mother-in-law who is ailing and played by Jessica Walters, and she was supposedly a big movie star in the 1970s. But we move in with her. So, we live in Beverly Hills but we’re not like in a big mansion.”

Um, hello? Did y'all see that house? It looked like a big mansion to me!!! That's what Loughlin calls "modest living"? Sheesh--I should live so "modestly."

6. The Beverly High newspaper has received an update to the digital age with videocasts and blogisodes. The latter seems like yet another rip-off of Gossip Girl. The former highlighted a gentle jab to the original with Andrea Zuckerman's daughter, Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquiez (Halle Hirsh), doing a newcast and a teacher making a remark, "What is she--like 35?" Although this was a back-handed reference to Gabrielle Carteris, it could definitely apply to any member of the new cast as well.

The actress playing "My Super Sweet Sixteen girl Naomi" (AnnaLynne McCord) looked at least a decade older than the teenager she was supposed to be portraying. It doesn't help that wardrobe has her wearing Chanel. Does Disney has the exclusive concession to child actors? C'mon people, Gabrielle Carteris looked positively juvenile in comparison to this cast!

7. Much more focus on the "adult" characters (I say that sarcastically since the entire cast looks old enough to drink legally...) in this version. Perhaps because fans of the original show are old enough to parents, it makes sense that they'd want to watch characters closer to their old--rather than the antics of oversexed, spoiled "kids." Any guesses at to the father of Kelly's (Jennie Garth) kid?

8. I'm glad it sucked--I have better things to do with my Tuesday nights. (I think--what's on on Tuesdays? Oh yeah, the Dancing with the Stars results show...)