Five Years Later - The Return of the Desperate Housewives

Last night Desperate Housewives returned. Although it's been less than five months since we last saw the ladies of Wisteria Lane, time has flash forwarded five years.

Yup--the weird epilogue at the end of season four was a clue to the direction creator Marc Cherry was taking the show:

Susan and Mike were in a horrible car accident which left the other driver and her child dead. Susan's guilt apparently tore her marriage to Mike apart (although we were led to believe James Denton's Mike Delfino went the way of Rex Van de Kamp, Paul Young and Ida Greenberg) and now she's tentatively allowing a bit of happiness back in her life in the form of Gale Harold who plays house painter, Jackson. (As in painter Jackson Pollack, get it?)

Jackson serenades Susan with the Ramones I Want to be Your Boyfriend at Edie's homecoming party, but she wants to keep him under wraps--for now. Initially I thought it was an age thing but it turns out Teri Hatcher is only five years older than Gale Harold.

Gaby has had two little girls and in the process is no longer looking like the hot pampered ex-supermodel that she has in past seasons. In fact, Gaby's flabby. Perhaps this new story line is the reason Eva Longoria's microscopic "pooch" was mistaken for a baby bump. We should all be so "fat."

Gaby's four and half year old daughter, Juanita, however, definitely has a weight problem. And Gaby's fears about the loss of her own hotness come to the surface when dealing with Juanita. I can't locate the age of Madison Lovato--the little girl who plays Juanita--but there's no way she's four and a half. She looks like she's at least ten.

Oh, and Carlos is still blind.

Lynette and Tom are dealing with their juvenile deliquent twins. And Felicity Huffman is dealing with the worst wig ever. Worse than her cancer wigs.

Bree is becoming the new Martha Stewart. Her obsession with her career is causing a rift between her and best friend Katherine Mayfair--but it's due to the fact that Danielle took baby Benjamin away. So now Bree is channeling everything into her catering and cooking empire.

But she still has Andrew, who manages her affairs, and Orson is back in her life.

And Edie's also back! Nice con job making us think Nicollette Sheridan was leaving the show. I guess "technically" Edie did leave--for "five years." But now she's back. "I have a husband now," she tells the gals. "Really? Whose?" counters Susan Mayer.

It looks like Edie's hubby, the very persuasive Dave Williams (Neal McDonough), has a secret past and an axe to grind. Someone on Wisteria Lane should be worried--but who?

Bob and Lee are still happily married and still as hysterical as ever. When Jackson is frantically getting dressed outside Susan's house when Lynette drops by unexpectedly, Lee drolly pulls out his cell phone and snaps a picture. No words and yet it was the funniest moment of the show.

Let's hope season five sees more Lee and Bob!!!