Dream On

I've been searching for a way to escape the mad Hungarian door slammer, the skeevy geezer whose porn-watching seeps through my walls, thuds and clatter from the obnoxious guy next door. In other words, my lovely neighbors--the whole inconsiderate lot of them! This means, I'm trying to find a new place to live.

So I do the Craigslist thing--combing through the numerous ads posted every day for housing on the westside. Given my limited funds, it's nearly impossible. I've also posted an ad of my own which outlines my specific requirement, my budgetary limitations along with an offer to provide access to my considerable talents (bookkeeping, computer stuff, writing/editing, house management, etc.) in exchange for a reduction or abatement in rent. I'm not expecting a miracle (although that would be a nice change of pace...), but it's sort of an exercise in manifestation--you know? Put it out there for the universe. Like throwing a rock into a pond and having the ripples spread out, reaching back to shore.

Unfortunately, the response I got today was like having a rock thrown back at me. An e-mail with two words: Dream on. Now, I've had plenty of people respond to my ad with time wasting responses. But they are usually wasting MY time. Why someone would be so mean-spirited to bother wasting their own time, I have no clue. Sad and pathetic that some loser is reduced to providing nasty feedback to complete strangers because they've got nothing better to do with their time.

Of those wasting my time, there's been Michelle who is renting a room in her 4 bedroom house. Where that house is, I've no idea because Michelle didn't bother to include that info, or how much the rent would be, or any details on the space she was offering. My ad specifically states that I'm not looking for just a "room" as well as requesting that people responding give me detailed information of the situation. When I wrote to Michelle asking for details, she declined to reply. Whatever.

Michelle's not the only person to completely disregard my requirements. Tim offered me a detached studio in a perfect location for me. But when I questioned him further about the "studio" it turns out it's just a detached room in his backyard. All the "amenities"--as he put it--are located in the main house. Um, excuse me? When did a BATHROOM become an "amenity"? It's a freaking necessity! Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night and needing to pee and having to walk across a cold, wet lawn in the middle of the night to get to the bathroom?!!! That's just nuts!

Another person e-mailed me three times about the "guest suite" (that's bedroom/bathroom) they were offering in Pasadena. Since I specifically stated I was looking in Santa Monica--perhaps West L.A. or Mar Vista--and that I most definitely was not interested in commuting, I'm not sure why this person thought this would be a great fit for me. Or why they thought I wanted to live with their elderly, disabled father and his caregiver. The last e-mail stated they went through my list of requirements one by one. Really? Did you miss the one about SANTA MONICA? Working on the WESTSIDE and not wanting to commute? Not particularly interested in a SHARE? Or just a "room" (the additional bathroom doesn't make it a "suite")?

Of course, Pasadena is still way closer to some of the other responses I've gotten. Chatsworth, Sun Valley, Ventura--and recently, 2 Windsor Court, Bramley, Leeds LS13 3ST R. I don't think that's in California. The rent was only $500 a month--but I think that's in pounds or maybe Euros. No doubt it's some scam.Another guy was looking for someone to sublet his place for six months while he traveled--even thought I specifically stated I wasn't looking for a short term situation (less than a year). I mean, it's already been more than a year and I haven't found a place yet. I'm supposed to move and start looking again so I can move AGAIN in six months? I don't think so...

A couple others were more in line with my requirements--but it was close but no cigar. I tried responding to Grace who offered to share her Mar Vista home. Unfortunately my e-mail kept bouncing back because her in-box was full. Ah, well--I guess it wasn't meant to be. She has a dog and I'm allergic so it's probably for the best...

I saw a place last week that was almost ideal. A bit more than I wanted to pay, but very reasonable given rental rates in L.A. A one bedroom in Santa Monica sharing only one wall with a neighbor. Small, not too much in the way of closet space, on-street parking--but I thought it was workable. Unfortunately the landlord/owner decided to rent it to someone she knows. I guess I have to be fatalistic about this one as well and chalk it up to "not meant to be."

It could be worse--I could be getting lewd suggestions as to how I might be able to "reduce my rent" in exchange for services provided. As I've posted before, there are plenty of predators and, let's face it, just plain LOSERS out there looking to take advantage. But today I was shocked to see an ad from (ostensibly) a young woman offering her "goodies" in exchange for free rent. The posting came complete with boob and vag shots (UGH!) and some, uh, SIZE requirements of her own. I hope it was some sick prank meant to yank the chain of some of these incessant losers posting and re-posting on Craigslist. Unfortunately, it would probably only inspire them to KEEP posting.

The only real option I have is to substantially increase my income thus increasing my rental budget and therefore my housing options as well. In the meantime, I send out missives to the universe hoping that idiots, losers and assholes move along and leave me alone.

Oh, and I will keep dreaming on as well...