My Name is Earl/Ugly Betty - Prison Breaks and Paintball Wars

Last night on My Name is Earl, Earl was supposed to use all the certificates he earned helping the warden to get out of jail. He said his goodbyes (Paco gave him a mirror with black lines drawn on it so that it seemed like you were behind prison bars when you looked into it--so Earl wouldn't get homesick...), had Randy and Joy and even Catalina waiting to pick him up (Joy: "Is he gonna ride bitch on your donkey? Catalina: "If he wanted to ride bitch, he'd jump on your back!"), but when he got to the gate the guard told him not only was he not on the list to leave, but he wasn't on the extra pudding list either.

Everyone except Randy leaves (Catalina: "If I don't get a seat on the bus, I'm gonna have to stand and hold the pole. That just feels like work...) and Earl confronts the warden and learns that he shredded all his certificates. Earl reacts badly to this news and is sent to solitary confinement for 60 days. When he's let out of solitary, he has decided to break out of prison. He enlists Frank and Paco--although Frank's contribution is mainly telling him what WON'T work. Their plan involves crawling through the air duct (Ugly Betty did this a couple of episodes ago--it's a hack writing device, but that's what makes it work in a comedy...), Joy and Darnell dressed as a nun and a priest, Catalina distracting the real nun and priest and a makeshift gun with one bullet.

Joy and Darnell (disguised as clergy) show up in a van and stage a hip-hop style religious revival to cover the sound of Earl, Randy, Paco and Frank escaping through the air duct. Unfortunately, Earl and Randy fall through the vent--right into the warden's office. Holding the makeshift gun on him, Earl makes him remove all his clothes thinking he can walk out pretending to be the warden. But he can't bring himself to cut off his mustache. Darnell and Joy are ready to smuggle the escapees out in the van--Darnell even dispatches the guard by performing a Vulcan nerve pinch.

When the waiting Darnell realizes that Earl hasn't made it out, he goes in after him and also falls through the air duct into the warden's office. The warden is then able to grab the makeshift gun, but as he does Darnell recognizes him as "Richard Jammer." Seems the warden had a porno career in the 80s and they used Darnell's home for filming. Frank and Paco have taken off in the van--Paco wearing Joy's nun disguise. But Paco ends up crashing into a police car when he sees his long-lost love Catalina walking along the roadside. Back at the prison--the warden doesn't want his porno past to be exposed, so he grants Earl his release.

On Ugly Betty, Bradford's video giving instructions about who is to run Meade Publications is cut short so Daniel and Alexis decide to solve the dispute the same way it was resolved over their childhood treehouse. By staging a paintball war. The paintball range is closed down due to a thunderstorm--but that doesn't stop the bickering siblings from waging battle inside the offices of Mode. Amanda is on Daniel's team and Alexis' team includes her bitchy assistant Nick and Kenny from Accounting who raps:

She's Alexis
Big as Texas
Knows what it's like
to be both sexes!

Daniel's team, with the exception of Amanda, is taken out early in the game. But Amanda gets to paint-smack her arch rival Nick (Amanda: "You're gay, right? Nick: "Only when it comes to you."), but their seething rage turns to steamy passion and Amanda is too upset when Alexis shoots her in the back. So it's down to Daniel and Alexis--who injures herself diving for cover. Daniel is about to go in for the kill, but shows compassion and asks Alexis to run Meade Publications together. But while they're hugging it out, Alexis pulls the trigger. Bitch.

Meanwhile, Henry and Betty are being disgustingly cute. Henry plans a big surprise for their Saturday date night telling Betty, "Wear socks--'cuz they're gonna get knocked off!" But Henry feels threatened when Gio returns to help Hilda set up her beauty salon called Beautilities--motto: "I give good hair!" Gio and Hilda hit it off and Hilda asks Gio out--and invites Betty and Henry to come along dancing with them. But when Henry's "exciting" plans turn out to be just another variation on their Saturday night Sundaes (instead of just eating ice cream, we'll make it!), Betty tries to spice things up. In a painfully funny scene, she attempts to eat ice cream off of Henry's stomach--but the ice cream is too cold and the hot fudge is too hot, so it turns into a disaster.

Then they decide to meet up with Hilda and Gio and go dance, but Henry is reluctant to drink or dance and do anything fun. They get into a fight and Henry storms out, but while Betty is trying to apologize to him via cell phone, she sees him back at the club--DANCING for her! In a muscle shirt! Who knew skinny Christopher Grubstick had such a nicely shaped torso? The two kiss and makeup and go back to their sweetly mundane ice cream party. Looks like Gio's the one that's jealous--and even Hilda figures it out. Henry's only around for 17 weeks and 3 days--is Gio going to pick up the pieces when he leaves?

Wilhelmina's attempt to get her new magazine, Slater, up and running is running into some problems. PR problems mainly. She can't get funding, so Marc gives her an image makeover--the charitable Wille singing for sick kids. It works--until Wilhelmina goes back to her bitchy ways and elbows an old woman out of the way to grab a cab in the rain. Unfortunately the old woman turns out to be Betty White and some nearby fans caught the entire episode on their cell phone. The scene of Willie slamming Betty White's hand in the cab door is played all over YouTube--and Wilhelmina loses her funding. Betty White calls her to forgive her and Wilhelmina arranges a photo op to document the moment, but this Betty's got other plans. She's experiencing a resurgence of her career due to the brouhaha and now she intends to milk it for all its worth.

With her magazine dead in the water, Wilhelmina turns to Plan B--and we finally learn what the covert meeting with the morgue doctor and Bradford's corpse was all about. The evil bitch had the doctor extract sperm from Bradford's lifeless body and if she can't marry into the Meade family, she intends to produce its next heir.