What's Old is New Again

Apparently the hip phrase for today at Urban Dictionary is "Home Run" as in:

To accelerate through first base (french kissing), onto second base ("heavy petting") to third base (oral sex) and finally coming around to home plate (sexual intercourse).

Wow, hit a home run with Sheila tonight, gimme a high five Barry!

Um, newsflash--this is not a hip, new phrase. I learned about the bases and home runs when I was 10 or 12 years-old--and I don't even want to TELL you how long ago that was! Attention kids: your PARENTS know what a "Home Run" is--and most likely their PARENTS have heard the phrase!

It's THAT old.

What's up with the "young generation" stealing all our fads anyway? Every time I see some 17 year-old wannabe punked out like Sid Vicious, I want to say to him--"Dude, that look is so late 70s/early 80s. Get your own fashion trend goin' on..." According to a recent article in Rolling Stone magazine, kids aren't just stealing fashion tips from prior generations, but our musical taste as well:

Like countless parents before him, Steven Tyler is shocked at the music that's been blaring out of his fifteen-year-old son's bedroom lately. But the Aerosmith frontman can hardly disapprove. "I walk by at night and my son is listening to Zeppelin stuff, like 'Black Dog,'" Tyler says. "He's turned all his friends on to Cream, and they're all into [Aerosmith's] Toys in the Attic. I told him, 'I can't believe you're listening to this.'"

It's hard to blame them--who are the musical idols today? Britney? Hillary Duff? Today's music is replete with pre-fab pop princesses and overproduced pretty boys. Most "artists" today have hitmakers to write, arrange and record their songs--they do little more but be the "frontman" (or woman) providing the marketable image.

But enough is enough, so listen up kids--If you really want to freak your parents out, get rid of the piercings and tattoos. Wear dockers and a button-down shirt. Join the Young Republicans Club. And listen to Lawrence Welk.

That'll scare the @#$% out of 'em...