You can get almost anything on Craigslist

I love Craigslist. I've found jobs through their listings, joined a book club after reading an activity partners posting, sold my IKEA (Swedish for "Some assembly required" followed by maniacal laughter...) wardrobe and a set of wine glasses from Tiffany (birthday present from a former "friend"). I get vicarious thrills from reading the "Missed Connections" (nope--never any for me!), sticker shock from trolling the apartment listings, laugh my ass off at the "Best of Craigslist" postings. My favorite "Best of" posting:

"I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing in line at the check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal Diet again although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Pal nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid b*tch...why else would I buy dog food??"

Anyway--you can find almost anything on Craigslist. Except perhaps AN AGENT. Now seriously folks, why would anyone think that a reputable agent or manager who has a trillion scripts to wade through, a sack full of query letters to shred without reading--why would anyone think that an agent trolls through Craigslist for potential clients?

Admittedly, much of my knowledge of agents and their behavior is limited to Jeremy Piven's hysterical performance as Ari Gold on HBO's Entourage. Not once have I seen Ari Gold say to Lloyd, "Check out Craigslist--see if there are any successful producer, writer, director types seeking an agent."

And yet that's the title of a posting in the JOBS classifieds. In the section of Craigslist for people SEEKING EMPLOYMENT, some idiot posts: "Successful producer, writer, director seeking agent." What the fuck? Seriously, if the guy is so successful why the fuck is he posting on Craigslist looking for an agent? The ad goes on to say:

Successful motion picture producer,writer,director seeking agent or manager for representation. Have produced over 20 films which two have grossed over $75,000,000 each. If interested in resume contact me at dumbfuck@hotmail.com

OK, I changed the e-mail address to protect the moronic. Don't go spamming dumbfuck@hotmail.com with hate mail now...

You do not find agents off Craigslist. I wish it were that easy, but it doesn't work that way. How do you get an agent? You get someone who knows an agent to refer you to said agent. How do I know this? 'Cuz an agent told me. There may be other ways, but Craigslist ain't one of them.

So, anyone know an agent that they could refer me to?